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Hello world!

Hello to any of you who may deem this worth reading.  A word of warning, I have no literary talents of which I am aware and intend to write this blog as a way to offload some of the stuff in my somewhat crazy head.  I hope it to document my recovery from borderline personality disorder (hereonin known as BPD and not to be confused with Bipolar Disorder) and episodes of depression back into my chosen profession, the legal field.  You see, that is what I used to be, a Solicitor.  That was before BPD completely ravaged my life, it had large elements of control over it prior to then but it gradually sunk its teeth into my very beginning and destroyed anything of worth in my life.

I am currently on 3 days leave from the local Psychiatric ward after spending nearly 4 months there due to suicidal plans, ideas and attempts.  Am I better?  The condition I have means meds cannot fix all so the answer to that it yes?  Am I safe now?  No, I never am.   Even now as I type I wonder and dream of the beauty of the blade being drawn across my skin, revealing the flesh within and releasing the tension, the hurt ,the pain, all the wrongs done to me.

Anyway, that seems a little heavy already for a first post and hopefully there will be a variety in tone in the future.

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Categories: Uncategorized
  1. July 7, 2010 at 5:30 pm

    Hi, this is a comment.
    To delete a comment, just log in, and view the posts’ comments, there you will have the option to edit or delete them.

  2. July 7, 2010 at 7:05 pm

    I have been longing to find someone who understands, in some part, how I feel. I have been diagnosised with Borderline Personality Disorder recently, although it’s been attacking my mind for so long. I was put on Depakote for my intense mood swings and I’m going to psychotherapy in August to work through this disorder and to try to understand it and myself more. Who knows if it’ll work ~ I’m into going out these days, so this blog site really helps and I hope it helps you too. Just know, even if you don’t get comments, people are listening. Write if you ever want to talk.

    • July 8, 2010 at 1:50 pm

      Thanks for your support 🙂

      I am on a combination of meds one of which is Depakote, have tried a 1 day a week Democratic Therapeutic Community, which made things worse and currently waiting to hear re whether they still are unable to offer 1 to 1 psychotherapy – it having been deemed “too unsafe” in the past. I really hope it helps you.

  3. July 8, 2010 at 5:50 pm

    Thanks ~ I hope it helps too. I definitely don’t want this but feel it’s a good form of punishment that I’m on meds and have to attend therapy. It suits me. Better than cutting I guess.
    Why was it too “unsafe?”

    • July 19, 2010 at 12:14 pm

      Hi Jinx:)

      They didn’t think I could keep my self harm under an appropriate level, considered me “dangerous”

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